Chapter 1: Embracing the Past

It's crucial to avoid allowing past traumas to shadow your present!

AI Image created by Author, Love

It has been over five decades since I first held a paintbrush. For years, I believed I lacked any artistic ability, convinced that drawing was beyond my reach. However, my story encompasses the heavy burden of trauma and my path toward liberation, which might also help you break free from your own limitations and embrace the beauty of life.

My mother was only 20 when she had me. She was crowned Miss Hawaii at the age of 19 when she met my father, who married her just a week later. She moved to the Philippines with little more than a suitcase, and that became her home for life.

In the 1960s, traditional Filipino customs dictated that families live together under one roof. My father brought my mother to the ancestral home where they resided with my grandparents and dozens of other relatives. This communal lifestyle fostered support in various forms—food, utilities, jobs, and childcare—creating a bustling environment.

Upon arriving, my mother found herself amid around forty family members. She felt immense pressure to prove herself within a family of accomplished professionals—lawyers, doctors, and engineers—while being a recent high school graduate, unfamiliar with the local culture and traditions. Imagine the daily struggle she faced—no privacy and constant competition among the women to showcase their culinary skills and sewing talents.

As the years unfolded, my mother became increasingly fixated on gaining approval from my father and his family. At the age of five, I witnessed the beginning of her artistic journey. Each time she attempted to paint, she would summon me to her side. With every brushstroke, she expressed her frustrations, often accompanied by anger and alcohol. If my responses fell short of her expectations, I quickly learned to brace for her wrath. Those hours spent in her room turned into a relentless cycle of negativity and emotional turmoil, culminating in physical punishment that left deep scars.

I began to resent being called to her side during her painting sessions, recalling moments when I’d hurl brushes against the wall in frustration, associating them with my parents’ troubled marriage. My world turned gray; I lost all interest in art, convinced that happiness was an illusion.

Despite her efforts, my mother struggled with her artistic endeavors. Her teacher often encouraged her to infuse passion into her work, but she remained oblivious to the reasons her paintings appeared lifeless. We all recognized the truth: her dissatisfaction with life and the burdens she carried stifled her creativity.

Throughout school, I did everything I could to avoid art classes, opting for sports instead, believing I had no artistic talent. However, everything changed in February 2022 when I decided to channel my dreams into a fantasy fiction book. To articulate these visions, I realized I needed to draw.

For more than 50 years, I had distanced myself from art, haunted by painful memories. Yet, as I procrastinated on my writing, my dreams intensified—filled with magical landscapes, mythical creatures, and messages from Mother Earth about the importance of preserving our planet. The stories of my ancestors also began to surface, demanding to be illustrated.

On February 28, 2022, I made a pivotal decision: I would release the traumas linked to my mother. I practiced meditation, revisiting my childhood to reflect on the events that had caused my pain. Eventually, I resolved to let it all go. My mother had her reasons for her struggles, and I chose not to let her past dictate my present.

And this is what transpired.

I began to draw!

No tracing, just pure creativity. My thoughts flowed seamlessly onto the page—I sketched a banana tree, the figure of a vampire, and various elements from my dreams. I was surprised to find that the years spent observing my mother had unknowingly imparted her lessons to me. I had critiqued her work as a child and read extensively about art, thanks to the library of books she had bought for me.

Here are the first three chapters of the book I aim to write, needing more sketches to bring my dreams to life. While my initial attempt may not have garnered much attention, I plan to refine my work and present it in a more digestible format.

1st Story:

Birth of the Protector and the Keepers

“Death is not the end; it is a transition from one form to another. From earth, we come, and to earth, we shall return…”

2nd Story:

The Witch Healer of Siquijor, The “Mananambal”

Chapter 1

3rd Story:

The Protector Reborn, Chapter 2 Mycelial Chronicles

For billions of years, the Witches of Siquijor have been both feared and revered by the people of the island, dating...

I hope you enjoyed these stories as I prepare to refine them further and include my sketches. Your feedback is invaluable!

The first video, "Steps To Take When You're SERIOUS About Healing Past Trauma," offers practical steps for anyone looking to address their past.

The second video, "How Do You Let Go of Past Traumas," dives deeper into methods for releasing emotional burdens.

Remember, it’s never too late to rediscover your true self! Did this resonate with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to reach out to me at [email protected]. A special thanks to Francis Lee for inviting me to contribute to "Believe It, This is Art." I'm genuinely enjoying this renewed passion for art!