Finding Balance: A Journey with My Ego and Self-Acceptance
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Chapter 1: Understanding the Ego
Have you ever noticed how your ego reacts in various situations? For instance, when your boss criticizes your work, your ego might whisper, "Aren't you a successful professional anymore?" leading to stress. Or when a friend celebrates a significant milestone, like buying a house, your ego might provoke feelings of inadequacy, asking, "Aren't you accomplished like her?" This can spark anxiety. Even a stranger's gesture on the road can trigger anger, with your ego saying, "They insulted you!"
These intrusive thoughts often sneak up on us, manifesting as vague feelings rather than coherent sentences. Unlike logical reasoning, they emerge from the depths of our subconscious, uninvited and unsettling. They can leave us feeling anxious and downcast.
Section 1.1: The Night of Reflection
One evening, after a day filled with work-related stress, I found myself brushing my teeth and heading to bed. Perhaps it was the peppermint tea I had consumed, but suddenly, an unexpected visitor appeared: my Ego.
EGO: "Here’s the deal: wear this heavy costume tightly, and you will attain all the success and recognition you crave. You’ll be seen as a good professional, an accomplished individual, and a skilled driver. But, there’s a catch: every success comes with the weight of your identities. Others can easily criticize you, challenging your sense of self."
Myself: "No, I refuse to sign that. I’d rather be no one."
EGO: "How will you find happiness then?"
Myself: "I can simply exist. Happiness is transient."
EGO: "So, you don’t care about success?"
Myself: "It's more complex than that. I do care, but not at the expense of my peace."
EGO: "What do you suggest instead?"
Myself: "I propose a middle ground. I can be responsible in my work, drive safely, and perhaps even seek companionship. However, I will no longer chase the need to be viewed as successful or fear judgment. I want balance."
EGO: "Will this approach give you a sense of self-worth?"
Myself: "That's a profound question. I was born with certain traits and developed others. These are not intrinsic; they are external. Virtue and kindness are choices I can make for myself, and perhaps therein lies my self-worth."
EGO: "Fine, do as you wish. I know you'll sometimes return to me, longing for that contract."
Myself: "That's okay. I can choose when to engage."
EGO: "Indeed, you may feel fear at times, but courage will also find you. Until next time."
Section 1.2: A Peaceful Resolution
After our conversation, I drifted off to the most restful sleep I’d experienced in a long time.
This reflection is dedicated to all my friends who, like me, have struggled with over-identifying with specific aspects of their lives. While these aspects may sometimes provide us with self-worth and confidence, they are merely parts of our whole selves. Our ego, while often an adversary, can also serve as an ally if we engage in open dialogues, even if they come at unexpected times.
Chapter 2: Embracing the Journey
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