The Relentless Pursuit of Happiness

“One of the great insights of psychoanalysis is that you never really want an object; you only desire the act of wanting, which implies that the solution is to aim for an unattainable ideal and dedicate yourself to reaching it. The fact that you won't achieve it is not just acceptable; it’s the essence of the journey.” — The Last Psychiatrist

True happiness does not stem from success. Instead, it is the individual you evolve into while chasing after success that brings joy. In fact, fulfillment might be a more fitting term than happiness. Personally, I've abandoned the pursuit of happiness as a goal. What I find rewarding is being useful and engaging in the game of life, aiming to accumulate experiences for enjoyment. For me, happiness emerges as a natural consequence of hard work. I “desire the desire.”

If you resonate with this mindset, idleness will never satisfy you. Even if you haven’t embarked on that dream project or pursued that significant goal, the feeling of inaction can create anxiety. You may feel an intense mix of ambition and lethargy. The remedy? Identify something you excel at and focus on it relentlessly. Before discovering writing, I faced numerous failures, but once I found my passion, I recognized it as an endless journey of improvement.

There are countless pursuits awaiting your discovery. You don’t need just one defining purpose in life; you possess multiple talents. However, without discovering one that truly inspires you, you risk stagnation—a state that is unfulfilling for the ambitious.

For those who feel adrift, here are some valuable resources to consider.

The Static Path to Happiness

A seeker once approached Gautama Buddha and asked, “How can I find happiness?” Buddha replied, “First eliminate ‘I,’ which represents ego, and then let go of ‘want,’ which signifies desire. What remains is pure happiness.”

As previously mentioned, success does not equate to happiness; it can even lead to despair. This is evident in the tragic fate of many celebrities who, despite achieving everything they desired, find themselves unfulfilled. Each time you reach a new milestone, the satisfaction fades, and you find yourself yearning for more. Accumulating achievements or possessions cannot fill the emptiness within.

The reality is that you shouldn't require anything external to be happy. Instead, cultivate gratitude for what you have and concentrate on the present moment, as it is the only certainty. Focusing on future goals often results in disappointment, as the anticipated fulfillment rarely materializes as expected. This phenomenon explains why those who achieve wealth and fame often turn to spiritual exploration, embracing philosophies that promote inner peace.

“I believe everyone should attain wealth and fame and fulfill their dreams to understand that it’s not the solution.” — Jim Carrey

We frequently overlook the incredible nature of our existence simply because we are alive. Consider the lessons learned during the pandemic; many of us took our basic freedoms for granted until they were stripped away.

The most advantageous choice is to find contentment. However, as humans, we have innate desires and are influenced by societal expectations, making spiritual growth a challenging endeavor, akin to the relentless pursuit of success.

What Should You Avoid?

“People are peculiar; they often become enraged by trivial matters but remain indifferent to significant issues, like squandering their lives.” — Charles Bukowski

Interestingly, I emphasize the journey of constant striving because it often appears simpler than attaining a state of zen. Paradoxically, the quest to diminish ego through mindfulness can become just as goal-oriented.

We inevitably face various traps, don’t we? You might become overly attached to material possessions, competing with others for status, or you might adopt a minimalist lifestyle, fixated on the absence of attachment.

Before I reveal a solution, let’s address a significant mistake to avoid: the fate of living in limbo.

What does it mean to live in limbo? It refers to existing without a commitment to either relentless striving for success or genuine gratitude and contentment. Instead, individuals often justify their lack of achievements as acceptance, experiencing all the downsides with none of the positives. A life devoid of genuine accomplishments leads to a sense of emptiness, and deep down, many harbor envy towards those who are successful, preventing true contentment.

There are exceptions—individuals who lead modest lives and find true happiness and peace. However, they are rare. If you identify with this group, you likely aren’t the type to comment on blog posts proclaiming your satisfaction with simplicity.

This limbo manifests as societal outrage. The energy from a lack of purpose often channels into negative outlets—politics, mindless entertainment, substance abuse, and other unproductive distractions.

I understand this cycle intimately. You may find yourself trapped in a monotonous routine, feeling the urge to change, only to experience fleeting motivation that quickly dissipates. This cycle of anxiety can eat away at you, leading to a return to monotony. Many individuals remain stuck in this loop their entire lives.

What is the solution?

The Paradoxical Path Forward

“Do not chase after success; the more you pursue it, the more elusive it becomes. Success, like happiness, cannot be sought; it is a byproduct that ensues from a deep commitment to a purpose greater than oneself.” — Viktor Frankl

Throughout your life, aim to balance the pursuit of greatness with gratitude for what you possess. Life is inherently paradoxical, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer.

The most valuable advice I can offer? Embrace lifelong learning, understanding that a perfect resolution is unattainable. Avoid the limbo of existence.

I advocate for striving to achieve your desires first and then cultivating mindfulness about life. This approach is essential, as until you experience a certain level of success, you may continue to feel curiosity and envy toward those who have accomplished it.

While achieving your desires may not solve all your problems, it can alleviate logistical challenges, allowing you to focus on spiritual growth without the burden of survival. My journey involved writing for free for years to build an audience before achieving success as a writer. Now, I find joy in writing for its own sake.

Experiencing the full cycle allows you to pursue a better life with a deeper understanding of ego and validation. You can fulfill your needs while maintaining gratitude, striving for more without becoming overly attached.

However, taking that first step is crucial. Begin by focusing on your strengths and recognizing that no self-help guide can compel you to act; that responsibility lies with you. Finally, contemplate your mortality as a motivator to seize the moment. Test this approach and witness its effects.

Why? Because it’s about embarking on your own journey.

Not the path dictated by your employer, society, or even my expectations. It’s about your unique journey.

Begin the paradoxical path today.

Ayodeji, author of Real-Help: An Honest Guide to Self-Improvement, invites you to access his free checklist — The Ultimate Guide to Discovering Your Natural Talents and Strengths.