A Transformative Journey: Discovering My True Essence
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Chapter 1: My Quest for Identity
As I approach my 50s, I've realized I don't have children of my own, yet I share a close bond with my niece and nephew. During their early years, I often asked my niece what she was up to after she hugged me, her favorite uncle. This question would momentarily bewilder her before she returned to her task of making coffee for my mother, using only water. My nephew reacted similarly, his face showing confusion when I posed the same inquiry.
Through these interactions, I deduced that their puzzled expressions held a key to happiness, albeit after enduring considerable heartache and solitude.
My life has revolved around the profound question, "Who am I?" The wisdom of saints and sages suggests that the answer transcends the superficial aspects of our existence, such as:
- my personality
- the incessant chatter in my mind
- my job title
- my feelings of sadness and loneliness
- any form of personal identity
This raises the crucial question: If my essence isn't defined by these facets, then "Who am I?"
Section 1.1: The Pitfalls of Spiritual Bypassing
For 28 years, I found myself engaging in spiritual bypassing—a phenomenon prevalent in personal development and spiritual communities. This often involves adopting beliefs that enable us to sidestep emotional pain, shame, and unmet needs. Unfortunately, such practices do little to help in answering, "Who am I?"
Subsection 1.1.1: The Challenge of Genuine Inquiry
Section 1.2: A Journey into Zen
Over the past five years, I've delved into Chinese Zen (Ch’an) and Japanese Zen (Soto and Rinzai). In the 5th century, Bodhidharma, a distinguished Buddhist practitioner, made his way from India to China. Legend has it that he severed his eyelids and meditated for eight years in a cave to avoid falling asleep—a rather painful endeavor.
Chapter 2: Embracing the Raw Truth of Zen
Unlike many spiritual traditions, Zen does not promote comforting illusions. There’s no emphasis on:
- altruistic service to others
- always making the right choices to secure a heavenly afterlife
Zen has faced criticism for its perceived disregard for moral and ethical conduct. However, it’s essential to understand that the core focus for a Zen practitioner is on Keshop—Enlightenment, Self-Realization, or Moksha.
In "Eckhart Tolle's Guide to Finding Your True Self Beyond the Ego," Tolle explores how to transcend the ego to discover your authentic self.
Section 2.1: The Zen Experience
When attending an introductory Zen class, the Roshi (teacher) often explains how to achieve tranquility through breath-counting. After several years and a meaningful experience that could be considered a satori, students embark on the koan journey.
Subsection 2.1.1: The Nature of Koans
A koan is a brief exchange between a student and a teacher that lacks a logical answer. A well-known example is when a monk asked Chao-chou, "Does a dog have Buddha nature?" Chao-chou replied, "Mu" (meaning "no").
Engaging with a koan is akin to dropping a stone into water and allowing it to sink. Thích Nh?t H?nh beautifully articulated that to understand a koan, it must sit with you until the answer emerges.
Chapter 3: The Essence of Non-Duality
Similar to Advaita Vedanta, Zen perceives one's true nature as non-dual. When first presented with a koan, it may confuse you—much like the childhood inquiries about the past, which you instinctively knew didn’t exist. Only this moment holds significance.
As you engage with a koan, you cultivate a deep awareness of clarity and presence. Instead of attempting to control your mind, which often proves futile, familiarity with your thoughts, breath, and koan leads to a harmonious integration.
While I may not have found a definitive answer to "Who am I?", I recognize that my niece and nephew are much closer to their own sense of self.
In "Leaves The Audience SPEECHLESS | Eckhart Tolle (Meditation)," Tolle shares profound insights into meditation and self-discovery that leave audiences in awe.
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