Chapter 1: The Autocorrect Dilemma

In a recent article, the witty Amy Sea shared her amusing experiences with autocorrect, questioning why it often opts for inappropriate words instead of the intended ones. Her humorous take prompts a reflection: why does autocorrect have such a mischievous sense of humor?

While she seeks answers, I'm here to declare that I have no issues with autocorrect—primarily because I don't rely on it. My own limitations with technology are quite evident. My relationship with tech is fraught with communication hurdles, making me wary of autocorrect's intentions. Being familiar with the transcription function, I've learned that it doesn't always have my back.

For instance, as a woodwind instrument technician, I frequently send texts to clients. It’s convenient to avoid smudging my screen with greasy fingers. However, after a saxophone repair, I’ve nearly sent a text saying, "your sex is ready, come get it anytime." Thankfully, I dodged that bullet, but it’s a close call. Imagine the confusion!

While I may not be making side income from such mishaps, I do find voice transcription incredibly useful for writing. My attention span often falters, causing great story ideas to slip away after just a sentence. Instead of recording endless notes that I’ll forget, I can simply speak my thoughts, resulting in a typed approximation of my ideas.

To demonstrate, let’s see what happens when I activate the transcription now.

It feels like my computer is trying to express itself, or perhaps it's just a jumble of thoughts.

It should have been “the Word Salad of God,” but it’s not too far off.

To make the most of this, I should quickly reconstruct my thoughts while they’re still fresh in my mind. Yet, there are times when the results are utterly baffling. Here’s a transcription I received, presented as poetry for your enjoyment:

How is it that the video works but not audio The best way to enjoy me silent yup on the baby don’t like the smell I have no soul

Is it nonsensical? Absolutely. But it's surprisingly accurate, which raises the question: is there a ghost in the machine?

And for those who might point fingers, let me remind you—this is my account. Yes, my phrasing might resemble someone who’s had one too many drinks, but I’m not the one calling my device a "smartphone." If it struggles with my speech, perhaps it should rethink its design.

Moreover, I have a tendency to forget to turn it off during casual conversations with my spouse, resulting in some bizarre transcriptions, such as:

Hello a lot allot Super for half an hour watch TV and then just like dive just that that no way side where TV.

But let’s not overlook the positives. Occasionally, technology captures thoughts that my limited human mind might not have conjured. Here’s a fine example of such musings, which many can relate to:

The end I really Drive leave go to next field this month is the one that you like already we got a problem That it’s raining cats the bathroom tonight I love you I think I’m very messages Open everything okay okay with the wicker chairs I was four outside silly it was frozen honestly three weird.

Amen to that.

John Werth is recognized on Medium as a Top Writer in Politics, Humor, and Satire. He’s also a 12-time Top Writer on another platform—though it’s in Canada, so you might not be familiar with it. He finds writing more exhausting than physical exercise and compensates for that by avoiding the gym.

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Also by this author on MuddyUm:

A Grumpy Old Man Shits On Your Dreams Part One of the Grouch Chronicles

A Grumpy Old Guy Explains All of American Politics in 24 Words Part Five of the Grouch Chronicles is the only political piece you’ll need this election year!

Your Baby Is Ugly And No I Don’t Want To Hold It Straight talk from a childless friend

Chapter 2: A Love/Hate Relationship with Music Streaming

The video titled "Our Love/Hate Relationship with Music Streaming Services" dives into the complexities of how we interact with music platforms, highlighting both the enjoyment and frustrations they bring.