Chapter 1: The Illusion of Perception

The topic of understanding others is taking precedence over everything else this week. Though I've been aware of this concept for a long time, my comprehension has evolved significantly.

Growing up in one of North America's most diverse regions, I embraced differences before it was considered fashionable. While I used to view this as a positive trait, I have come to realize, especially in recent years, that I still have challenges in perceiving the full scope of reality.

I can easily identify falsehoods and reject toxic positivity or self-help clichés. However, I've grappled with a major issue that has adversely affected my life: the belief that many individuals are not interested in self-improvement.

Recently, I began to understand the root of this struggle. My upbringing among many morally questionable individuals taught me to love them in spite of their actions. The notion of seeing the sin but not the sinner, I now see, is fundamentally flawed.

This lack of boundaries has led to severe repercussions in my life, almost to the point of self-destruction. The world does not function like a church community where everyone adheres to the same values and norms. In reality, it is filled with unpredictable encounters, including individuals who, for the most part, are not striving for greater self-awareness—no matter how many inspirational posts they conceal behind.

I have known this intellectually; what I failed to connect was how deeply ingrained this belief was in my psyche.

Chapter 2: Breaking Free from the Past

Having distanced myself from the church and my family, I now find myself in a new country, living a completely different life. With guidance from psychologists and personal studies in human behavior, I've learned to establish boundaries. Yet, there remains a persistent and troubling feeling in the background, causing me significant distress.

Here's the crux of the matter: when you're taught to see the good in others while ignoring the harm they cause, it doesn't just make you more like God; it opens the door to manipulation and self-neglect. The doctrine I was raised with led to the belief that boundaries equate to ego and that imposing them is sinful. This has caused me to overlook my own well-being for far too long.

For the sake of brevity, I'm simplifying a larger truth: this belief system is fundamentally flawed.

I have fought against this mindset for as long as I can remember. In church, my questions were often dismissed as signs of weak faith. This dismissal extended into my family life, where my inquiries were deemed embarrassing, leading to severe consequences for me.

Many people in my life are completely unaware of my past struggles. Even though I express myself openly, I still grapple with the ingrained belief that I must see the best in others. My trauma has, paradoxically, made me more compassionate, as I never want anyone to endure what I went through.

Reflecting on my life often brings me to tears—a blend of anger, frustration, and unresolved pain. I realize now that I will never allow myself to experience that kind of suffering again, which is why I choose not to have children. My family would never provide a safe environment.

I've learned that recognizing people for who they truly are, rather than how I wish they could be, is crucial for my healing journey. Many individuals who were raised in a religious context mistakenly assume that leaving that environment automatically resolves their issues. However, the trauma experienced during formative years lingers and requires time to heal.

The first video discusses the art of seeing others deeply, which aligns with the themes explored in this narrative.

Here’s the truth: if you grow up in a family or environment that harms you daily, you don't know what "normal" is once you leave. Trust becomes a complicated issue, and understanding healthy relationships is a challenge when you're deprived of guidelines that others take for granted.

You may be an adult, but a part of you still feels like a child, because that part has never been nurtured.

I firmly believe that many individuals share similar experiences of trauma and the subsequent struggles with their family and religious backgrounds. Those who haven't lived through this should refrain from commenting on topics like family dynamics or interpersonal relationships, which are far more intricate than any simple formula can address.

Part of my healing involves reclaiming my voice and learning to disregard comments from those who lack the understanding of my experiences. This journey is extensive, but it has led me to trust myself deeply. When someone reveals their true nature, I now believe them instead of suppressing my instincts, as I was taught to do.

I refuse to sacrifice myself any longer. I am learning to erect strong boundaries around my core self and to embrace the nuances that I was conditioned to overlook.

I am committed to saving myself, not just from others, but also from the internalized messages that were instilled in me long before I could comprehend their impact.

The second video explores the concept of seeing things as they truly are, a vital skill for anyone on a similar journey of self-awareness.

This journey towards self-awareness is not just about honesty but also about understanding the complexities of relationships and the impact of past experiences on present choices. I would not have chosen my former partner as the person I am today.

The commitment to understanding oneself must precede any other commitments in life.