Finding Balance in Parenting and Personal Growth Amidst Chaos
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Chapter 1: The Illusion of Perfection in Self-Improvement
In the realm of self-improvement, much of the advice presented often feels impractical.
Several years back, I epitomized the self-improvement enthusiast. I dedicated countless hours to studying various methodologies, integrating them into my daily life. My existence resembled a collage of the most effective growth strategies. Every hour was meticulously planned and optimized for productivity.
Then came Leonardo.
Now five years old, my once flawless routines seem like a distant memory. Following his arrival, I struggled to maintain my established habits, which only led to increased stress and guilt without any real progress. I've begun to accept my new constraints (mostly), but I've also come to believe that much of the self-improvement advice out there is simply unrealistic. How can one aspire to be their best with the demands of everyday life? How many self-help gurus actually juggle parenting responsibilities?
While I certainly value the insights from authors, bloggers, podcasters, and YouTubers, their success stories are undeniably appealing. They articulate their methods well. However, how many of these individuals have kids? How many prioritize quality time with their families? How many are entrenched in committed relationships? What about those living in remote areas or working low-paying jobs in less favorable conditions?
We often admire their achievements, scrutinize their routines, and try to replicate them, but those approaches rarely align with the realities of our lives, leading to frustration. After all, once family responsibilities are accounted for, there’s often little time and energy left for self-care.
The Morning Mayhem
I don’t reside in the year 2024; I live in the era of AL 5 (Anno Leonardi): five years post-Leonardo’s birth.
Before he arrived (BL - Before Leonardo), I had my ideal morning routine down to a science: rising early, taking walks, exercising, reading, journaling, and fasting until noon.
However, around AL 1, Leonardo began waking up at the crack of dawn—between 5:30 and 6 AM. My wife, Giulia, needed to prepare for work, leaving me responsible for him. His nighttime routine was no less challenging, often stretching past 10 PM, requiring endless rocking and humming of Brahms’ Lullaby.
Only in the last few months has his sleep pattern begun to stabilize, yet he still frequently joins us in bed during the night, seldom sleeping past 6:30 AM, and springing up if he finds himself alone.
Sleep specialists are correct: without adequate rest, everything else suffers. Over the past few years, I’ve battled burnout like a sailor desperately bailing water from a sinking ship. The one remedy I found was to take a nap after lunch. I’ve honed this skill, and on some days, my afternoons feel more productive than my mornings.
But that’s not enough; every aspect of my once-structured morning routine has unraveled in these last five years.
The Loss of Morning Light
Exposure to sunlight upon waking is crucial for resetting our internal clocks, akin to igniting a fire.
In my case, the only way to get morning sunlight is to serve breakfast to Leonardo on the balcony, which at 6:30 AM doesn’t quite align with my notion of fatherly affection. Plus, he’s quite resistant when it comes to breakfast options.
Compounding the issue, our current home is like a dungeon—so little natural light enters the frequently used spaces that we rely on artificial lighting throughout the day.
One afternoon, after being cooped up for too long while caring for Leonardo and working, stepping outside was a revelation. The sun felt like gentle fingers rejuvenating my starved skin.
To combat this, I invested in a light therapy lamp. While Leonardo eats breakfast, I often read him stories and use the lamp. Although it doesn’t fully replicate the benefits of natural sunlight, it helps me feel more awake and alleviates eye strain, which is surprising given its brightness.
Understanding Weight Gain After 30
The saying goes that marriage and kids lead to weight gain. Is this just a stereotype?
While it may be humorous, it’s somewhat of a misguided excuse. The core issue is that before settling down, people often engaged in more physical activity. Once you establish a family, movement tends to dwindle to transitions from couch to chair, from car to chair, then to bed, repeating the cycle. Yet, eating habits often remain unchanged, or worse, comfort foods are added to cope with stress.
Interestingly, I find myself in the best physical shape I’ve ever been—stronger, leaner, and more flexible than in my youth. I’ve detailed this journey in another article.
The prospect of becoming a lethargic couch potato motivated me to seize every chance to stay active without traditional workouts. My town became my personal gym, and I embraced every opportunity to take Leonardo out in the stroller, pushing as though I were setting a world record.
As he outgrew the stroller, I took him to the park. He would ride his bike while I jogged alongside him. Once there, I’d lift him up, climb, run, and play ball. I would carry him on my shoulders when he grew tired or simply sought attention.
I sought minimal yet effective workouts; for over a year now, I’ve been practicing short but intense yoga sessions every morning, complemented by 2–3 brief strength workouts weekly (I can finally do a pull-up!). I alternate between sitting and standing while working, which burns more calories and improves my posture. I also incorporate active breaks to get my blood flowing and boost my energy.
The Ideal Time for Creativity
With over 14 years of experience as a content creator, I’ve discovered that my creative energy peaks in the morning (though naps can enhance my afternoon productivity as well). My daily schedule usually begins with a writing session, yet I often find myself breaking this commitment.
At times, Leonardo's mornings are chaotic, making everything take twice as long and pushing my start time back by at least 30 minutes.
More frequently, I struggle with mental fog. My sleep is frequently interrupted between 4 AM and 5 AM when Leonardo joins me in bed. Occasionally, he’s restless for hours, or wakes up far too early. By the time I rise, I feel drained. I could dive into writing or editing, but I know my mind will be sluggish, affecting both the quality and quantity of my work.
To ease into creative tasks, I often engage in consumption first—reading a book or newsletter, or listening to something while walking. Sometimes, I simply swap creative projects with less demanding tasks like responding to emails or uploading videos.
The Value of Healthy Relationships
I've never been particularly outgoing, but I cherish deep connections. Unfortunately, most of these bonds have faded.
My brothers have relocated hundreds of kilometers away, and my two closest friends have also moved on. My co-founder departed Italy for Southeast Asia years ago, leaving me here.
Working from home also limits real-life interactions. I hoped to forge new connections with fellow parents at Leonardo's school, but during drop-off and pick-up times, I mostly encounter grandparents or hurried parents eager to return to their cars. My attempts to arrange playdates for the kids have mostly been unsuccessful.
To cultivate meaningful relationships, I’ve resorted to digital exchanges. I occasionally send voice messages to a few friends, but their busy schedules sometimes lead to weeks of silence in reply. I feel like we’re communicating like it’s the 17th century. Thankfully, I can still make some old-fashioned calls.
The Importance of Continuous Learning
If I had $10 million, I would dedicate my time solely to learning. Before Leonardo, I read more than a book a week while consuming a plethora of podcasts and newsletters. Now, my learning mainly occurs through audio content as I multitask—walking or completing chores.
Yet there’s a silver lining: I’ve become more selective about what I consume. Many books are unnecessarily lengthy, and after years of reading, many lessons simply reiterate old knowledge. Consequently, my lack of time has forced me to prioritize better.
I often feel a sense of loss when I glance at my unread books or overflowing podcast queue, but I remind myself that I’m likely not missing too much. I’m just spending more time curating what I choose to engage with.
How to Harmonize Personal Growth with Family Life
If you’re an overachiever like me, finding peace with what you can’t accomplish may be a struggle. However, there are ways to optimize your situation:
- Identify your priorities: What keeps you healthy and functional? What contributes meaningfully to your life and work? What gives you a sense of fulfillment at the end of the day?
- Ditch the idea of perfection; seek the minimum effective dose instead.
- Look for opportunities to combine activities.
- Regularly reassess your approach. Retain what works, discard what doesn’t, and stay open to new possibilities as your family’s dynamics change.
I hope this article offers valuable insights. I advocate for realistic productivity and self-improvement strategies. My journey as a content solopreneur allows me to adapt my schedule around life’s inevitable challenges.
To learn more about becoming a content solopreneur, consider subscribing to my newsletter. Click here to receive a free email course designed to help you build a consistent creative practice.
Chapter 2: Embracing Failure as a Parent
As a parent, failure is a part of the journey.
In this video, "Failing Forward | How to Embrace Failure and Grow as a Parent," the speaker discusses the importance of learning from setbacks and evolving as a parent.