Many people view Jeff Bezos, currently one of the wealthiest individuals globally, as a symbol of success in life, or rather, success in capitalism. This perception stems from his transformation after parting ways with his ex-wife, MacKenzie Scott, leading him to a lifestyle filled with celebrity interactions, extravagant travels on a $500 million yacht, and even requests to dismantle historic bridges for his convenience.

Interestingly, I’ve observed that the online fanfare surrounding Bezos and other billionaires predominantly comes from men, particularly younger males and teenage boys. While Bezos's lifestyle might appeal to adolescent fantasies, one would expect that if wealth and social standing were indeed the primary attractions for women, there would be a visible fervor among them towards figures like Bezos or Elon Musk.

However, the reality appears different. The prevailing belief that all heterosexual women prioritize a man's financial status and societal standing in dating continues to influence societal narratives, often cited to explain men's dating challenges today. But how accurate is this assumption?

The notion of men as providers remains entrenched in various ideologies, from modern conservatism to certain segments of the manosphere. This perspective suggests that men should earn sufficient income to support their families, and that those with greater financial resources are more likely to attract partners, as women supposedly prioritize wealth above all.

This phenomenon, termed hypergamy, is sometimes regarded as an evolutionary characteristic of women. Ironically, it is often the same men who assert that women value them solely for their resources who then express frustration at women's expectations for them to provide.

Despite this contradiction, evidence does not convincingly support the idea of innate female hypergamy. Recent psychological research from Swansea University indicates that men, particularly those identifying as incels, significantly misjudge what women seek in partners. They overestimate the importance of wealth and physical appearance while undervaluing qualities such as intelligence, kindness, humor, and loyalty.

Moreover, a study by the Clue app and the University of Göttingen, which surveyed individuals in 180 countries, revealed that nearly 90% of heterosexual women prioritize kindness in a partner. This was followed by supportiveness, education, and confidence, with neither wealth nor high social status ranking highly.

Another study conducted across 45 countries found that friendliness and intelligence were the top traits valued by both genders. While women acknowledged the importance of good health and financial stability, men were more inclined to focus on physical attractiveness.

Interestingly, while recent studies highlight these dating preferences, public surveys about societal values depict a different narrative. A 2017 Pew Research survey revealed that men are primarily evaluated on honesty and morality, with professional success following closely behind.

Does this indicate that men primarily assess each other based on financial status and project these expectations onto women in dating contexts? When I hear remarks suggesting that women should appreciate men for their provision, it evokes the image of a caveman presenting his partner with a cave he discovered, declaring, "See, I do provide nice things."

Historically, prior to the Agricultural Revolution, the notion of ownership as we understand it today did not exist, and most hunter-gatherer societies operated in a communal manner. Material possessions were minimal, and resources were shared, making strict gender roles and hierarchies impractical.

This dynamic shifted drastically over time. The Industrial Revolution brought about the concept of the male breadwinner and female homemaker, as highlighted by historian Emma Griffin in her book, Bread Winner: An Intimate History of the Victorian Economy. The low wages of women fostered a dependency on male earnings, alongside systemic discrimination in the labor market, which solidified gendered expectations.

The ideologies of patriarchy and capitalism intertwined to create a definition of manhood centered around resource acquisition and family provision, alongside competition with other men. Even though there was never a complete separation of spheres, men’s financial capabilities became crucial for women.

To attribute women's reliance on men solely to innate preferences overlooks the legal, economic, and social constraints that historically limited women's independence and opportunities.

Today, women in Western nations are more financially autonomous than ever, with many actively participating in the workforce. This shift means that women seek partners not out of necessity but out of desire for companionship. However, this sentiment often goes unheard.

The misconception that a man's worth hinges on his wealth and success, perpetuated by various influencers and dating coaches, continues to undermine genuine connections. The narrative that any effort beyond financial success is futile, even “unmanly,” is both absurd and tragic. Some men even deride those who express affection or kindness, despite such traits being highly valued by women.

While there are indeed women who prioritize wealth and status in their partners, just as some men seek youth and beauty, men who leverage their finances to attract women cannot complain when they are viewed similarly.

Ultimately, most heterosexual individuals prefer partners who share similar backgrounds, a trend known as assortative mating, which also applies to socioeconomic status. Evidence suggests that while inter-class relationships are becoming less stigmatized, they are also becoming less frequent.

The narrative of female hypergamy serves as a convenient scapegoat for some men grappling with loneliness, allowing them to deflect blame onto women. Furthermore, men's emphasis on wealth and status is often more about gaining access to women and impressing other men.

Encouraging men to emulate ultra-wealthy figures like Bezos or Musk might seem empowering, but it often leads to disempowerment. The societal structure that ties worth to financial success ultimately benefits a select few while leaving many in poverty.

Believing that true success and fulfillment are attainable through wealth is a pathway to disappointment and resentment. Imagine a society that celebrated kindness and support over material wealth; the collective well-being would undoubtedly improve.

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