How to Transform Your Relationships for Lasting Connection
Written on
Chapter 1: The Mindset Shift
Recently, while browsing Instagram, I came across a video reel that caught my attention. It featured a woman expressing her frustrations with modern dating. She lamented the lack of decent men and insisted that she wouldn’t contribute to a relationship until she received sufficient time, energy, and attention from a man.
It's likely she has faced numerous disappointing dating experiences. If you've been in the dating scene over the past few years, you can relate to the challenges—ghosting, breadcrumbing, and juggling multiple people have become all too common.
This has led to the emergence of what I refer to as the “if they wanted to, they would” mentality. You might have encountered this mindset, where one individual refuses to invest effort until the other party does. Unfortunately, this often results in both sides withholding their contributions, creating a damaging cycle that's tough to break.
While I empathize with her situation, I want to delve into the origins of this mindset and explore a more productive perspective that can enhance your dating experiences. If you're familiar with my writing, you know I often apply a game theory lens to life. Let’s explore this concept further.
Understanding Power Dynamics
Before diving into relationships, it’s essential to grasp the idea of power dynamics. At its core, this concept revolves around authority and control. We see this in politics and business, where competition often determines who leads.
In relationships, viewing interactions as a power struggle can introduce unnecessary conflict. Although competition is a natural human inclination, it can be detrimental if applied to romantic partnerships.
Power dynamics don't always lead to rivalry; sometimes, mutual cooperation can be advantageous. However, when you adopt the “if they wanted to, they would” mindset, you create a tit-for-tat scenario. This works well when both partners invest effort, but problems arise when one feels their contributions aren’t reciprocated. This disparity can lead to persistent tension, which can be exhausting.
Is There a More Effective Approach?
Power dynamics belong to a category known as finite games—these have clear endpoints, resulting in winners and losers. This raises an important question: do you want your relationship to have a conclusion, or are you seeking a lasting partnership?
Most people desire enduring relationships, and achieving this requires viewing your connection as an infinite game.
What Is an Infinite Game?
An infinite game is characterized by its lack of a definitive endpoint; the goal is simply to continue playing. Life itself can be seen as an infinite game, and relationships can be approached in the same manner. By focusing on the longevity of your connection, you can shift your attention from what your partner provides to what you bring to the relationship.
This perspective allows for greater understanding when your partner is unable to fully participate. It’s important to recognize that everyone has off days. By fostering a cooperative mindset rather than a competitive one, you can prioritize the relationship's well-being over individual gains.
Wrapping Up
In today’s world, it’s common to concentrate on what others contribute to your relationships. This often results in a short-sighted power struggle where each interaction is viewed through the lens of winning or losing, which hinders the development of healthy connections.
By focusing on what you can contribute instead, you create the opportunity for deeper relationships and inspire your partner to engage similarly. This doesn’t mean you should continue to give if the other person isn’t reciprocating; rather, understanding these dynamics can help you identify partners who share your values. If they view relationships as power struggles, it may be best to distance yourself.
This video, "How to Start Repairing Broken Relationships • Part 1: 'No Regrets'," discusses actionable steps to mend relationships and encourages viewers to take the initiative in their connections.
In this video, "How To Create Repair in a Relationship (Part 1)," the speaker shares insights on fostering mutual respect and understanding, essential components for any healthy relationship.
