Many of us aspire to be considered talented, believing it to be one of the highest forms of praise, especially for artists, athletes, or musicians. You might even feel flattered if someone labeled you as talented.

However, the term often carries implications that can undermine the hard work behind mastery. I realized this during a conversation with my partner after we watched the film Coco. He casually picked up the guitar and flawlessly played Un Poco Loco after hearing it just once. My immediate reaction was a sigh followed by, "You're so talented." But this time, the charm had faded, and I sounded more exasperated than impressed. When I lamented my inability to do the same, he reminded me, "You only can if you actually try."

Defining "talented" is crucial to understanding its implications. According to the Oxford Dictionary, being talented means possessing a natural skill or aptitude, often synonymous with "gifted" or "skilled." Talent is typically seen as something inherent, implying that it is not a quality one can acquire through effort. This notion suggests that either you possess talent, or you don't.

When we label someone as talented, we often communicate our admiration for their skill. Think of the last time you used the term: perhaps you were impressed by a guitarist executing a difficult piece. Did you acknowledge the countless hours and dedication that led to that moment? More often than not, we don't consider the hard work behind the apparent ease.

While "offensive" may be a strong term, calling someone talented can inadvertently downplay their dedication. My partner has never felt resentful about being labeled talented; he understands that it's often said with good intentions. However, when such remarks come with an undertone of envy—like my "I wish I could be that talented"—it can feel less like a compliment and more like a reflection of one’s own insecurities.

Larry enjoys challenging societal norms, and our discussions about the term "talented" opened my eyes to its limitations. In today’s fast-paced world, our vocabulary can feel diminished, leading us to rely on empty phrases. In my four years working at a music venue, I witnessed countless performances, yet I found myself resorting to the same word—talented—regardless of the emotional impact of each show.

As I grew tired of this limited vocabulary, I began to delve deeper into what I appreciated about each performance. This led to more meaningful conversations with the artists, enriching my own experience and understanding of their craft.

Larry emphasized that his guitar skills did not come easily; it required years of practice. Malcolm Gladwell posited that mastering a skill often takes around 10,000 hours of effort. When someone effortlessly plays a complex piece, it’s easy to assume they’ve always had that ability, fostering jealousy and self-doubt.

True mastery involves perseverance through struggles and frustrations. Unlike Larry, who started playing guitar as a child, I only began at 25. My father, a dedicated musician, offered me lessons, but I was often disinterested, finding excuses to avoid the hard work.

Larry pointed out that self-discipline is essential for achieving a level of skill that garners admiration. He argued that being labeled as talented overlooks the investment of time and effort necessary for success.

The term "gifted" should reflect not just innate ability but also the opportunity to learn and grow. Many individuals with disabilities have demonstrated that determination can overcome obstacles. As Alison Lapper noted, childhood pursuits are often about joy, while adulthood brings additional challenges and responsibilities.

Learning guitar as an adult required me to abandon my excuses and recognize that anyone can develop skills with commitment. Over time, I transformed my initial struggles into a shared musical bond with my father.

The takeaway is clear: expressing, "I wish I was as talented as you" undermines both the individual and yourself. It suggests a lack of belief in your creative potential, when in reality, the only thing holding you back is often your own mindset.

Instead of resorting to vague compliments, strive for specificity. What aspects of the work resonated with you? Did it evoke a memory or emotion? Artists seek connection through their creations, and thoughtful feedback can foster deeper conversations.

In our information-rich world, learning is more accessible than ever. As Larry and I embarked on the journey of learning Spanish, we embraced the idea that it's never too late to acquire new skills or knowledge.

Ultimately, regardless of the challenges that come with adulthood, the possibilities for growth are endless. The only question that remains is: what will you choose to learn next?