Chapter 1: The Burden of Secrecy

Keeping a secret can be quite a taxing experience. Recent research suggests that the weight of undisclosed information not only affects the person holding the secret, but also those who are entrusted with it.

A few days ago, a colleague confided in me under strict conditions: “You can do whatever you want with this information, but don’t share it with anyone.”

“That’s fine,” I replied.

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

“Not even to your closest coworker, if they promise to keep it private?”

“I swear.”

To clarify, I have managed to keep this secret so far, but it’s proving to be quite a challenge.

This aligns with the insights of Michael Slepian, a psychologist from Columbia University who focuses on the psychological implications of secrecy. Last year, he released findings from a comprehensive study that examined how people handle their hidden truths. He surveyed hundreds of participants about their secrets and the emotional toll they took.

Slepian discovered that the act of keeping information to oneself creates significant psychological stress. Interestingly, this stress doesn't stem solely from the need to conceal information in specific contexts. Instead, it's the persistent thoughts about the secret that negatively impact an individual's well-being.

This phenomenon isn't limited to personal secrets; it also applies when someone shares a secret with us while imposing confidentiality. Slepian's latest study, published in the September issue of the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, highlights this point.

In one of the three experiments, he and colleague Katharine Greenaway surveyed 200 participants, averaging 34 years of age, asking if anyone had ever shared a secret with them. They explored the nature of the secret, the closeness of the relationship, the frequency of thoughts about the secret, and whether the participants felt burdened or relieved by their knowledge.

Slepian found that the closer the relationship was, the more frequently individuals thought about the secret. However, this heightened awareness also increased emotional strain. The nature of the secret played a crucial role: secrets involving mutual acquaintances required participants to actively conceal the information due to their promise of confidentiality. This loyalty often led to more stress rather than fostering closer bonds with the secret-keeper.

“Being entrusted with a secret can enhance intimacy and strengthen connections,” Slepian observes, “yet it simultaneously places individuals in stressful situations as they navigate the need to keep secrets from others.”

In this insightful video, Earl Nightingale explores the concept of hidden truths and their impact on our lives.

Chapter 2: The Inner Struggle

As we contemplate the implications of secrecy, it’s essential to recognize the internal conflict it creates.

Alan Watts delves into the strange power within us, shedding light on how our inner struggles can influence our external realities.