# Eight Parenting Lessons from Raising Three Daughters
Written on
Chapter 1: Embracing the Parenting Journey
Parenting is a peculiar experience. After our first daughter arrived, I distinctly recall turning to my wife in disbelief, wondering, "They’re just going to let us leave?" Eight years later, that sentiment hasn't changed. It’s as if parenting is a cosmic riddle: the test comes first, followed by the lesson. Just when you think you've mastered it, life hands you a new challenge in the form of a different child.
With two close friends welcoming their first children this year and my own experience of keeping three kids alive for at least a year, I feel compelled to share my key insights. Here are eight lessons I've learned throughout my parenting journey.
Section 1.1: Define Your Priorities
A few years ago, my wife Anna returned from a moms' conference with an intriguing question: "What three values do we want our children to embrace as they grow?" This sparked an extensive discussion that lasted well into the night and even through the week.
We had many aspirations: fulfilling careers, kindness, meaningful contributions, love for others, creativity, and a faith in Jesus. However, we had to narrow it down to just three essentials—the core values that would serve as their guiding stones throughout life:
- They enjoy spending time with us and vice versa.
- They pursue work that nourishes their souls.
- They cultivate a love for Jesus.
These three pillars guide our parenting decisions. When they’re older, we want to know if they’ll invite us to share their lives. Are they stuck in jobs they despise, or are they bravely pursuing fulfilling work? Have we nurtured their spiritual lives alongside their physical needs?
Section 1.2: Acknowledge Their Childhood
Striking a balance between expectations and understanding their childhood is crucial. We hold high standards for our kids—kindness, respect, curiosity, creativity—but we also recognize their youth. While we avoid inundating them with excessive media, we refrain from treating them as if they're fully grown.
It's a challenging balance, but one that pays off.
Chapter 2: Disconnect to Connect
One of the most significant lessons is to put your phone away, especially when they are young. We are shaping the next generation, and we certainly don’t want to pass on the habit of being perpetually glued to our screens.
While technology is essential, it shouldn't dominate our interactions. Consider this: is it necessary to check your email, social media, or calendar incessantly? If so, maybe the issue lies with you.
Try implementing a "no phones at the dinner table" rule and observe the transformation it brings. As your children grow and request their own devices, give it careful thought before granting them access. The digital world is filled with challenges; perhaps they can wait a bit longer before diving in.
Section 2.1: Know Your Sphere of Influence
Understanding what you can control versus what you should control is vital. Parents often face labels like "helicopter" or "lawnmower" due to their approaches to parenting.
While there are many aspects of your child’s life you can influence, knowing when to step back is the key to fostering independence. Strive to raise children who feel confident enough to tackle challenges rather than running to you at the first sign of trouble.
And then there’s the realm of things beyond your control. Drawing inspiration from Marcus Aurelius:
"You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength."
Section 2.2: Surround Them with Trustworthy Adults
It's essential to have reliable adults in your children's lives. Each of our kids has Godparents who share our values and can provide guidance when they hesitate to approach us with certain issues.
While you might want to be their go-to person for everything, remember your own childhood. There were likely matters you hesitated to discuss with your parents. It's better for them to seek advice from trusted adults than from random influences.
Chapter 3: Embrace the Complexity
Dr. Becky Kennedy offers an insightful perspective on parenting. Her philosophy is that "two things can be true."
A child can be good yet struggle, and a parent can be loving while occasionally losing their temper. This nuanced understanding can provide grounding during tough times.
Section 3.1: The Value of Slowing Down
In our fast-paced lives, it’s essential to ask: what's the hurry? We often overload ourselves with tasks, activities, and commitments. Does this truly enhance our lives?
Contrary to popular belief, a busy schedule doesn’t equate to a fulfilling life. Boredom isn't inherently negative, nor is constant activity. Both may stem from a lack of genuine presence and focus in our lives.
Chapter 4: Personalize Your Parenting Approach
"Adapt what is useful, reject what is useless, and add what is specifically your own." — Bruce Lee
Embrace this wisdom. Absorb what resonates with you, dismiss what doesn’t, and infuse your unique perspective into your parenting.
There’s no definitive guide for being a great parent or living a fulfilling life; it’s an open canvas for you to create.
These lessons extend beyond parenting; they encapsulate the essence of living a meaningful life.
I hope you find these insights valuable. Now, go ahead and write something of your own!
-Kian